BBS 08-29-05 Personal Logs |
| Phipps | Irony |
2005 May 30 |
"Ensign Frank Phipps Personal Log, Stardate 55006.6. Yesterday was a mixture of good and bad; I had a good shift, got plenty of work done, felt good about myself most of the day. "I even socialized more than usual. I went to the bar on several occasions, although, as per usual, fruity drinks were about my limit. I spoke to people, laughed some, grinned alot - it was good. Then, and I didn't think this would be something that stuck in my mind, but it sure has - then I felt as if my mood was being killed off. Randal Thorne was making certain comments, and, really, I had no intention of sticking around much longer after that. I just was not in the mood. "So I went back to Station Security. Lieutenant Turtledove was there, speaking with...I can't recall her name, but they were discussing a weapon - not really important. Anyway, she left, and as usual, the Lieutenant and I had a grin and a chuckle over things. She seemed to be in as good spirits as I was, following Bak'TUR. "Then Commander Dakin and Lieutenant Caeli joined us. Weird, but I don't remember who said this; sure someone did, but...I can't recall it. Anyway, someone said: 'Anybody die yet today?' "Those words are going to stick with me a while, I think. I didn't know him, really. Barely spoke to the man. But as with all of the security personnel, I knew his file. I respected him, although I couldn't begin to say why, exactly - I didn't know him. But sometimes when you read a service record, it can - well - it just hinted at something more, you know? And it was obvious that he was respected, here. Obvious to me. But I guess it's the sort of grim humour that only Security officers or soldiers or warriors could share: Who's dead? The irony is this, though." He sighs heavily. "Lieutenant Caeli died on a mission last night, apparently; I got the memo this morning. Memo. That sounds... Anyway. Another one gone. Worse - he was on his way to a new life, as I understand it. A new home, a new phase of his career. How awful is that? Snatched away. And what for? I don't know. But I hope it was worth it - rare as those occasions are." He laughs, without humour. Grim-faced, Phipps' mood is a million miles from what he said it was yesterday; a man has died that he didn't know. And he cares. It's there in the eyes, in his expression, in the whole set of his body. "It's funny, though. I had a little triumph of my own, yesterday. Caeli assigned me to watch over a visitation - doesn't matter who, or what happened, really. But things got a little disturbed. I was insulted. I got angry. "But you know what, O loggy of mine? I didn't bite. I kept calm, outwardly, and calmed down fast. And afterwards, to my eminent shock, I got an apology for the insults. I'm almost on the verge of being impressed; I really didn't think I handled it all that well." A faint, weak smile. "Maybe I did. Maybe the guy just realised he had been a twit, and felt that he ought to admit to it. Whatever - I respect him for it. It was the honourable thing to do." Frown. "I can't stop thinking about the people who've lost someone. I can't help remembering how it feels, going through it all over again. Damn. Maybe I'll finish this when I'm making more sense, eh? Computer - end log." The recording fades back to the Federation insignia.
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| Torin | The Idea of Home |
2005 May 31 |
*Torin sits on his bed which has been neatly made. Most of the belongings are gone, who knows where, only a small duffle bag remaining and a few clothes left out and a wide variety of leftover foods. Mostly Traditional Earth Indian food.* "If someone had asked me how hard I would find saying goodbye to this place. I would have not even come close. There are some hopes that I might be allowed to return, or even maybe not do jail time. But I will deal with that as it comes. For now I have to deal with what seems the most likely possibility and hope for the best. That's a saying I know, 'Being a pessimist, means you may always be pleasantly surprised'. I hope for that, but now most... my hardest goodbyes are done. I got to speak to Meg, Jenell, and Tshaya, Tish. She's a strange one, I hope she comes out alright, she has a certain mix of innocence and well knowledge I guess, but they say cats have nine lives. She's always been nice. I wish I could do more to help her. Tomorrow hopefully, I can do the...easier ones. Kait, Caleb, and little Anastasiya, then of course young Nua and Mauno, and Mrs Jiasha. And perhaps Chrissy, if I get the chance. Those I hope will be nicer. Speaking to Meg was... as always relaxing. I don't have to worry as much, if I say the wrong thing she understands. Still, there is that gap, we're both older than we were in the Academy. I still and will always love her as my sister, but you think the breen attack is such a large tragedy, but that seems like such a distant memory now. Something like that should leave a more lasting memory. But... I don't even know I haven't checked, for all I know this place didn't have the breen attack Earth. I think, Meg will always be there understanding things because she's seen me through most of it. But we don't, we can't share as much as we used to, she has seen so much more than I have I can't even imagine how the changes and the dealings with TRT and RRT how hard they've been I've just been able to watch. I've thought I'd lose her so many times but she's always come through, but not without bearing those scars. Perhaps someday, I will get a chance to go somewhere quiet, and catch up with her, Rob, Zephram even perhaps, and then it will be like the old days, with just laughter, without every minute thinking of all the pains and trials passed and all those to come. They say RRT may be returning here, I hope they can avoid the gulf they had last time. Who knows how much pain and suffering may have been avoided if those in the TRT and the Station Officers had been able to have more trust with each other. But those are times past, and this time has it's own troubles. It's almost relief, but also sadness that I won't get to watch this. I just hope my friends will be safe. Jenell, that.. this. Is perhaps the hardest part. We were just getting to know each other, she understands me. Not like Meg who knows me because she has seen me. As different as we are, Jenell is the same as me, our backgrounds are different, but we've been left in something of the same way. There are clear distinctions but that's part of what makes it interesting with her. We can think along the same lines but we will come to different conclusions. In just a few weeks, or a month however long now, I can't think of anyone's company I'd prefer. And already I have to say goodbye, part of the hardness is I don't know if I want her to be sad or not to be. I have to admit a part of me, wants to see her distraught at my departure, but that's foolish. I know she doesn't think of me as anything more than a friend, but sometimes you just don't feel like you know. But then there's most of me that just thinks anything that brings her pain is stupid of me and I feel miserable. I don't know that i'll ever be able fully examine and dissect how I feel about her. But, I just hope she finds the happiness she so deserves. Very possibly this will be my last recording here. But even just this picture of my room bare, I think I will replay it many many times no matter where I go. Somewhere in these last two years, despite all the pain, the trials, the anger, resentment, frustration, blood and tears. Station 419-Upsilon has become home. It is where I... grew up. Maybe not physically, but where I matured, where I learned what I think are some of the hardest things about life I had to. That sense, no matter what happens, they can't take away from me. Everything I've learned they can't take away. All I can do, is repay those who have payed to teach me, by being as good a representative as I can be. Not perfect, or I wouldn't be in this mess, but as best as a fool like me can be. Computer, encrypt and save to isolinear chip folder 'Personal Logs' and eject isolinear chips Alpha through Gamma."
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| T'il | A letter home |
2005 Jun 01 |
Personal communique in transmission. Encoded under protocol theta seven seven omega. Origin of transmission: Federation station 419U. Destination of transmission: Code 54-G Paris, Earth. PERSONAL MESSAGE: Saif, I am writing upon my arrival as you requested. Station 419 upsilon appears somehow much smaller than I was anticipating. I believe this is positive. Yesterday night I spent a small amount of time in conversation with my commanding officer, Robert Harris. In examining his service record I discovered that he was born in the year 2263. But he does not look over thirty. This is most intriguing. I will begin my duty shifts today. I have been giving basic instruction in Ponn-Ifla to one Jason Goodwin. The station is equipped with several areas for beverage consumption and sociability, as well as a fitness centre. I have made a point to come to these social places upon your advice. It is foolish to depend on others for one's personal social skills. However I know that if Gilger was here, socializing would be much simpler. I have met one Romulan, and one Vulcan. The Vulcan Strell operates a gallery which has been damaged in the recent attack aboard this station. I have volunteered to help clean and restore the gallery. This should prove most rewarding. The station is also equipped with a suitable replicator schematic for the preparation of various variety of Thali. The papadam is peculiar, but there is a most satisfactory Pata which balances accounts. It is my sincere wish that you and S'alik are well and that your Paris house renevations are proceeding as planned. Matilde.
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| Rivers | Daydreams |
2005 Jun 01 |
The Log opens to find Dana Rivers seated on the edge of her chair, just before the desk. She wears the athletic uniform, and has been working out evidently. A sweatband is worn around the top of her head, blond bangs stuck in place, and her face is just loosing the redness of exertion. Though she looks visibly exhausted, there is still a keen sharpness to those blue eyes. Her voice as she speaks is rough, though not winded. "Okay. So I haven't recorded a log since I left that hole of a station months ago. I wouldn't write one now, but blast it, I can't get these thoughts out of my mind!." Here her voice drops into an angry growl. Not all of that exertion is physical in nature. "Caeli is gone. Zip. The first officer to welcome me aboard. And..apparently he and my..counterpart..were friends. Hell, /I/ liked him!" She snorts softly and pushes badk in her chair roughly. "But he's gone. No details. Just..killed in the line of duty." Dana makes a fist with her right hand, and stares down at it. "Why? Why everytime I like someone, they go off and die? It isn't like I make friends that easily! And yet I continue on, day after day, and the closest I get to death is a simulation?" Finally she lets out pent up irritated breath in an explosive sigh. "And to think I was really starting to like Watters. I'd better not. I don't want to see anymore head down that same path. I'm...tired of the farewells." She is silent for a long moment, and then orders the log closed sharply, without looking up.
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| Green | But Don't Worry, Mom! |
2005 Jun 01 |
Cozy is as cozy does. Seated in the corner of a couch not her own, Tay is completely swathed in a fluffy khaki blanket so that only her head and hands are uncovered. The latter scritch gently on the fat belly of the snoring bulldog puppy on his back in her lap, and Tay keeps her voice low enough to avoid awakening nearby snoozers. "Computer, begin recording message." She pauses for the computer's acknowledgement, then continues. "Hey, Mom, it's Tay. I know I said I'd write, and I haven't. Sorry about that. "It's quiet tonight, quiet enough for some deep thinking. I have... had... this friend. He was one of the first to extend a hand in friendship and camraderie after that whole temporal mess a couple of months ago, when I was terrified we were all going to be arrested. I lost him the other night, Mom. The permanent way. He died a death he didn't deserve, struck down from behind by a criminal lowlife. I watched it happen, and I couldn't do anything to stop it. We couldn't even bring in the guy that murdered him. I felt so helpless when he died, and I still do. There's so much anger in me right now that I could break everything in these quarters, and still not work off even a fraction of it." Tay stops, hearing the raw grief and rage building in her voice again. After a moment, she speaks again; the emotions are still there, but lassoed and subdued. "My instincts are screaming at me to hide again. 'You knew better, Tay. When you care about somebody, they will be torn away from you, ripping out your heart.'" Tay pauses. "Then I get to the next line in the spiel- 'You were stupid to let yourself care, Tay'. But this time, it won't come out. I -can't- regret caring about Zip. Or, for that matter, anybody else. I miss Tak, and I'm still angry and... well, guilty over his death too. The frustrating thing about that one is, Tak's murderer -is- within reach, and I still can't do anything about him..." Again, Tay has to clamp a cracked lid down on her emotions. "Tak was the best field commander I've ever had. He was smart, incredibly skilled, honorable. He pushed us hard- that was the nature of the team- but he was always right beside us. He never asked of us anything he couldn't or wouldn't do himself. He rose to our defense when we were attacked, and he could discipline and make it feel like a good lesson instead of making you feel stupid. He was the -perfect- commander, and, yes, a friend. How could I ever regret knowing him, or being part of the family that our team was? Is. Knowing him, knowing Zip, letting them inside- it was all worth it, despite the pain of missing them now. Just like I know that when I lose Alek, and Barana, and James, and so many others I could name, I'll be able to concentrate on the light they created in my life, not the darkness of losing them." Tay pauses, then adds softly, musingly, "And, knowing that, maybe I'll be able to let others in too, even knowing the risks." A moment of silence, then Tay smiles a little. "Maudlin, ain't I. Sorry about that. I only meant to drop you a little note to say I love you. Write soon, Mom? Tell me who John was. I hope everything went well on your mission. Talk to ya later. "Computer, end recording and send to Lt. Commander Marcella Jacobsen, last known assignment, Diplomatic Mission, Kunra. Send."
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| Crayn | Wasted On The Way |
2005 Jun 01 |
Jo sits at his desk, the lights dimmed low, as they usually are. Music plays in the background, an old Terran ballad in three-part harmony. And there's so much time to make up,everywhere you turn. Time we have wasted on the way So much water moving underneath the bridge Let the water come and carry us away A long breath is taken before Jo begins to speak, his usually calm, melodic voice is cracked and gruff. "Zip... You're gone.. I know we didn't hang out much since I got here... Probably because, no matter what goes down, I figured you'd always be here. People grow apart from each other, but... Damn, man. It wasn't supposed to go down like that. I was always the 'clumsy' one.. Remember graduation? I had to sit it out due to that phaser shot to my shoulder?" He sighs. "I'm going to have to tell them, you know... Kearia and Jylo. I honestly don't know how they're going to take it. We were all supposed to go down together, or not at all." He sips from a glass nearby. "I guess the wisdom of children fleet away once the coldness of adulthood sets in." He tries to sit up, improving his posture.. "I seriously don't know what to do now. I'm lost out here. You're gone, Gwen left. Melia left too.. I mean, we still talk, but it's not the same. The only person in my corner right now is Meg, which I find only fitting, since you two were close. She reminds me of you a lot.. I just never got the chance to tell you. I'm still working on that change-of-billet, however it looks like my chances are getting more and more slim, with all these new people coming in.. I really don't know what to do.. I'm about half-ready to just give in and resign my commission.. I.." He stops, shaking his head.. "This wasn't supposed to be about me." He lifts up his glass.. "To you, Zip.. May the Great Bird keep you under It's wing forever." The screen blacks out.
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| Casya | Nocturnal ponderings |
2005 Jun 01 |
Casya stands in the midst of a set of unfamiliar quarters, her hair tousled, wrapped up in a blanket as she looks around with a soft, sleepy smile. Her gaze falls upon the shoes lined up beside the door, her high-heeled black boots neatly placed at the end of the row, for the duration of her visit. She turns, then, her amber gaze alighting upon the hockey helmet and sticks upon the wall, and the two armor stands holding up two very different types of armor--that of a kochek player, and that of an ancient Samurai warrior. With a soft smile and a shake of her head, she murmurs quietly, "...so similar..." she moves over to a wall display where several pictures are displayed, and sighs softly. "...yet so different. He's not the same man I used to admire from afar, contenting myself with his friendship because he had a wife and I did not wish to ruin that. And yet, at the same time... he is. With one major difference. He's /not/ married. This time.... there is no reason to hold back. And yet... strong as he is... is he strong enough to withstand the Casya Curse? Or do I risk condemning him, by letting myself get involved? Do I dare risk losing him /twice/?" She turns away, moving toward the viewport, the blue light of the anomaly washing over her in brilliant blue strobes. "Gods, I don't know what to do... all I know is, it feels damn good to have a pair of big, strong, comforting arms wrapped around me, when everything else seems like it's falling apart. He's always there for me... he cares for me, and he's one of the few people I believe I can still trust. When I'm with him, I really want to believe that maybe things *can* turn out alright in the end... that they will get better... that I can be happy." She snorts derisively, shaking her head and turning away from the viewport. "That, of course, is one of the warning signs that something is about to go horribly, terribly wrong, though. It always is. Cliche as it may sound... 'I have a bad feeling about this.'" A sleepy murmur sounds from the direction of the bedroom, and Casya can't help but shake off her paranoia and smile as she heads back into the bedroom, the blanket falling to the floor just in time for a flash of the Anomaly to illuminate an expanse of smooth, green skin, before she quickly slips back under the covers, the log timing out soon afterward.
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| Krylow | Questions without Answers |
2005 Jun 01 |
"Personal log, Lieutenant Junior Grade Alek Krylow, Stardate 55011.5" "If there was ever a time I'd welcome a damaged shuttle, now might be it. I barely knew Lieutenant Caeli, yet every time I close my eyes I see the look on his face as the knife slid into his back. I was only a few feet away, trying to lay down covering fire for him. I see it in slow motion and like a horrible dream there is nothing I can do about it." "We let ourselves be led into a trap. We let ourselves get separated and let the enemy choose the battlefield. That's the worst mistake you can make. Of course, the irony is that the officer who should have known the most about the situation was the slowest to react. I can't lay Lieutenant Caeli's death at Bristol O'Rielly's feet, but I can sure fault him for being too damn overconfident. Its a good thing that Tay, Meg and Caleb were still sharp or things would have been far worse." "Still, we lost an officer and that's never acceptable. Every mission where an officer is lost is a failed mission." "I can't help but wonder how Commander Ghorev sees things. I know he met with some of the ex-Timefleet officers and questioned whether he could trust us. I can't blame him. I don't think I could trust myself, not after what has happened. Now there is this. Lieutenant Caeli dies on a mission with four ex-Timefleet officers. What does he think of the mission? Of how we failed? What has Starfleet Intelligence told him? I'm not sure if I will ever know. He never met with me, not like he did with Tay and Alyna. I don't know if that means he trusts me, or if he feels there is no hope for trusting me." "Everyday I pull on my Starfleet uniform I work on remembering what it means to be part of Starfleet. Maybe remembering is the wrong word. Re-affirming is more accurate. I never intentionally, or even knowingly, turned my back on Starfleet or the Federation, yet in the end I did. I think I will question myself for the rest of my life wondering how it happened. How did I come to stand against Starfleet, against the very values I hold dear?" "I've always wanted to serve Starfleet not to be a hero, not to gain rank and influence, not for glory, but to protect Starfleet and the Federation. I wanted to follow in my father's footsteps and try and make his memory proud. Its a pair of very large boots to fill though, a man who helped take a science vessel into battle with the Borg and who gave his life in that fight. When it happened I was so young and so angry at him. How could he die and leave me? I was selfish, like a little child. As I grew more I started to realize how important Wolf 359 was, how much was given by Starfleet officers at that battle." "Giving your life is easy, maybe even too easy. As I've learned, its giving everything for the right reason that is hard. Its about the hard choices, about making sure that you're not just following the path others have laid out, but that you're following the right path. I think I'll always be ready to give my life in the line of duty, but that willingness alone doesn't make me the officer I want to be. Its only a start." "Take my time with Rapid Response and even the Temporal Response Team. Many people on the station think that I love phasers and explosives. In truth, I hate them with a passion. They're tools of war and death. I'm simply good at what I do. I always have have been. Engineering has come easy to me, as did demolitions. I fit into the Rapid Response program at the academy with barely a hiccup." "I don't talk about it how I despise weapons because I know once I do, the questions will follow. Why then did I choose Rapid Response? I chose it because I didn't trust others. Too many people want to be a hero, to have people look up to them and hero worship them. I've been trained to kill, whether its with my hands, with weapons or my demolitions. I'm not a hero. I don't want anyone looking up to me for what I know. Yet someone needs to do the job." "Its ironic that I chose Rapid Response because I don't trust others to do it, and now I don't know if I can trust myself. Yet after all that has happened, or maybe because of what has happened, I spend every minute trying to earn that trust. Its not even something I can gage. Even if I could, do I deserve it after everything that happened? I don't expect it. If I can earn it, I will do my best but I don't expect to be completely trusted after the invasion." "In a way, my promotion surprised me. I expected Commander Ghorev to fail me on the command review, if I hadn't been failed earlier in the process. Yet here I am with a second pip on my collar and cumulative OER score of two point six seven. A year ago I would have been ecstatic to earn the promotion. Yet again, the recent past colors my promotion and makes it bitter sweet. Friends died so I could stand before Lieutenant Nevaren and Commander Ghorev for the promotion, and now Lieutenant Caeli who was promoted with me is dead." "Most people would consider a promotion a reward for work well done. I suppose it is. To me its more than that. Its station command bestowing more responsibility on me, and demanding more of me as an officer. They will get it. They will get it because they have yet to demand as much from me as I demand from myself. I don't know where my career is going, but I'll be ready when it gets there." "When I was promoted Lieutenant Nevaren called me one of the most determined officers he had ever served with. At that time he called it a privilege to serve with me because of that. I'm not sure he considers it a privilege anymore. Oh, I agree with his idea, with the scope of his project at least to a degree. Engineers should always try and explore every technology advancement they can." "Yet he wants to tap me, to see what I know from the timeline inside the timeloop. I think he almost choked on his tea when I told him no. Of course, in the end he understood. I still didn't tell him about Timefleet or the Aegis. I wonder how much about me, about Timefleet, he's learned from station command. He doesn't seem to realize I used to be the chief engineer of the Aegis, that I had access to Timefleet technology. No matter how small, I won't share any of that with the current timeline, not without Commander Ghorev's approval." "Where does that leave me? A determined officer looking to prove himself ready for more responsibility who questions his own trustworthiness. Wouldn't that look lovely on a review. Yet there is something more, something almost intangible. Even in the midst of the death, the destroyed station, the questions surrounding Timefleet, Starfleet officers have stood by me and given their support. It showed at the promotion ceremony, even if I was hesitant to accept my promotion." "Even while I doubt myself, doubt how well I am succeeding as an officer, these people have supported me and helped me to stay the path. They have reminded me that while my assignment to this station has cost me so much, with my role in Timefleet and the friends I have lost, it has also given me so much. I have found myself again within the metal halls of this station. I have found home and I have found a new family." "I can never replace my mother and father but I have found something else, something important. I didn't even realize I was lost when I first got here, but now I realize that I was. For every one of my doubts and worries, I know that my friends will be there to help guide me. Now I need to put the questions I have about myself to rest if there is a way." "As for you Lieutenant Caeli, I'm sorry that I failed again. " "Computer, end log." .
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| Melec | The Threshold |
2005 Jun 01 |
Commence Recording... Encryption Elgol Green... Encryption Confirmed... Timestamp 55006.4 Confirmed... TO: Office of the Prefect Detapa Council Cardassian Union Algiran Exiliarchy FR: Legate Tanor Melec of the Second Order Central Command Cardassian Union Algiran Exiliarchy RE: Change of Assignment In regards to the Detapa Council's request for my transfer to Federation space to act as head of the Diplomatic Mission on Station 419-Upsilon: I must respectfully decline the Detapa Council's request. Since my departure from Cardassia Prime two and a half years ago, I have vehemently disagreed with the Council's policy on seeking outside aid in our war against the Dominion to free our homeworld. The Council makes a mockery of our pride, of our accomplishments. Dukat's treachery in handing us over to the Dominion and the results of that choice must be handled internally. It is not the place of the Federation or the Romulans, and especially not the Klingon dogs to take our place as the saviours of our homeworld. We must stand strong, and remember that we are Cardassian, through our strength we will persevere and through nothing else. We were lackeys to the Dominion and their treacherous overlords, and this government proposes to exchange our position under the Dominion for one under the foot of this Alpha Quadrant Alliance. We are better then this, for we are Cardassian, and our loyalty must rest in each other, and not in this Alliance. Pause Recording... Timestamp 55007 Confirmed... Delete Recording and Commence Anew to Same Destination... In regards to the Detapa Council's request for my transfer to Federation space to act as head of the Diplomatic Mission on Station 419-Upsilon: I respectfully accept the assignment. My loyalty rests with the Cardassian Union, and I will represent the interests of our people with honour. Knowledge is Power and Joy is Vulnerability.
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| Donavon | Admitting |
2005 Jun 01 |
<<Text Only>> Personal Log Stardate 55012.2 No matter how I try, each attempt isn't good enough. There's much to say yet I cannot write it all down. How do you memoralize a person's life into a stream of words? Zip has died. And no sooner after will Mo go to Sector Command for trial. Both gone. As I try to write Zip's memorial while remembering my last supper with Mo, I realize how much I'll miss them. Tough times and good times...even the our swabbling with relations times...we've been through them together. It's a blow, deep to the heart, that neither will be here. No supportive smiles. The laughter's gone. And then, I'm weighed with anger at the injustice of Zip's death. His murderer may be set free because of the intangible webbings of Starfleet Intelligence. Justice seems unattainable. The toe-lined fact is the temptation to gather a team myself and deliver our own version of justice. Would Zip wish this? That's the part of that line of work which has deeply created rifts between Rob and myself. Secrets within secrets. What is right and what is wrong? Will this be no different? Just as any different with matters regarding Mo. Rob didn't take to Mo as strongly as I would wish, but how could I demand more? And this instance, I dare not discuss. I bedruge seeing that look in Rob's eyes....because...this time Mo went too far. My best friend is going. Why? Because of a fool-hardy prank. How could he fathom or rather where did he get the courage to commit forgery? Of a senior Starfleet officer no less? His innocent intentions for payback could cost him his career and laid him in the brig for...I don't even want to think of how long. Even more, it makes me want to scream at what charges have been brought up. Mo. My friend, Mo. Two blows. The warm mentor dying in the line of duty and the supportive friend facing a Sector Command. Somehow I feel guilty for what happened. That somehow *I* could have changes these events. That someway *I* should have spoken out, acted out..-something-. Anything to keep them here. Then I realize why I'm so angry and full of misery outside the emotion of loss -- If I ever want to feel happy again, whole with Rob, hold onto the good times, I *HAVE* to let go and admit.... this time I cannot control fate.
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| Dane | Personal Log |
2005 Jun 02 |
"Computer start logging personal Lieutenant Junior Grade Mirantha Dane Stardate 55013.3" Dane sits down in front of the the terminal wrapped in a blanket, she rubs at her eyes and starts to address the computer. "Seem's I'm depressed, why I'm not sure I guess it happened after the attack when things started to go down hill. I was a poor officer and an even poorer doctor, I guess the more I look at it and the more I think about it Dr. Pierce was right to call me up what else was he to do. We're a small team here and I suppose they need everyone of their doctors able to work at the highest standards....And I wasn't. " The woman scrubs at her face. "Things didn't seem to get better from there either, I mean I thought I was in love with Andrew, I know I was but suddenly it just went all pear shape we was living together planning for a future together and then Oh sweet Andrew if anyone has been a victem in all this it has been you. I really did love you honestly I did I still regret what I did I'm sorry I left you, but my heart was just taken and I couldn't have done anything I knew I'd never love you as much as I do Kran'dok which is stupid. I know I didn't want to hurt you so I left, hoping you'd find someone else someone more worthy because your deserve someone so special and I couldn't be that person not fully. I can't imagine what you doing now we haven't spoken in months. I hope your getting over me I'm not worth being sad or angry over I'm not worth anyone or anything right now not even Kran'dok, though I have a feeling I'll never be worthy of him. " "If I had known what it would have happened when I sat down at his table I think I would have gotten at another ...Do I regret it. That's a hard question I'm not sure, I'm not sure of anything these days. I know we were friends the best of friend and it just went from there, I just realized that I loved him one day. I know I love Kran'dok no doubt about that whom couldn't. Ok that was a stupid question a lot of people, but then they don't know him. We've been together for I'm not sure really seems like a life time some days and only a few second others. It's hard and I don't just mean because we're different. I don't even thing it's because of our races, it's just our personalities I'm so out going easy carefree, I know when I'm more myself I can be so childish and impish. Yet he's so proud and loyal, duty comes out of his mouth a million times a day. He loves his family so much and I don't think I can compete with them, and I think if it comes down to me or them I'll be out of here so fast my feet won't touch the ground. He wants both and I don't think he's going to get both and I'm dreading the day he has to choose I just hope it's either soon or never I don't think I could go on without him " "I tired to get the assistant attach position a few days ago, and yet again it went pear shape I can understand why they refused me. I'm too high, I'm living with a member of the diplomatic council and I guess they don't think I can do it. I'm not sure I could have done either but we'll never know now I guess.. I'm just going to have to get back onto the horse as they say on earth and get my confidence back as a doctor. My record was clean when I came here I was a good doctor a very good one so I know this is not me. I need to find myself again and become that carefree easy going woman whom doesn't care what happens, she'll get through it.." "Doctor Park has given me some medication and I just hope it'll work. I need a pick me up and this seems to be doing the trick. Dr. Park...Aaron I don't know where to begin with him so I'm just not going to say anything I know he's been through a lot more then me it would seem. I can only be there for him and perhaps we can help each other through the disaster that's our lives. I know mine doesn't have to be it can be a wonderful life filled with joy and wonder I just need to find it and I will, my friends are here I just need to listen and perhaps get a helping hand now and then when I need it. " "Computer end log. "
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| O'Rielly | Why Try |
2005 Jun 03 |
O'Rielly is sitting in his quarters, sporting his new bald look. He sighs as he looks into the recorder. "I should just quit trying." He pauses a moment before clarifying, "Every time I try, something bad always seems to happen. I try to keep a mission from getting totally botched? Guess what, it does, and LT Caeli dies in the process. I try to be nice to Christine when she's looking a little down? She runs away crying." Another long pause, "I try to keep people from getting poisoned and someone from getting sued out of their pants and possibly their life because of open legal records, yup, I get a complaint against me." He laughs at that one. "Two people apparently got alcohol poisoning off of bad batches of two different drinks in the Neutral Zone. So what's the proper thing to do? Prevent people from getting more alcohol until such time that it can be verified. No officers from security would come, only enlisted. The only doctor who responded to the summons from Lt Harris is on a Leave of Absense. Then there's Lt Harris and Ensign McKenna. Lt Harris is a senior officer, yet he chose to just leave when he saw not one, but two people dropping to the ground from this apparent poisoning. Ensign McKenna? He just sat there and continued talking to someone who I believe is related to Barana." He laughs some more, "Competent authority, yeah right. All authority that happened to be available at the time showed no authority nor was competent." He looks down as he pauses for another moment. "At least the new Cardassian Ambassador or whatever his official title is already is wanting to have an investigation and is going to seek damages against Randal... at least in that case I'll be more than glad to help him out as a material witness. I'm sure Lt Vimes will be more than happy to ask that the establishment be shut down while he conducts an investigation to find out if Randal was trying to really poison anybody, and why Station Command is more than willing to let it happen." He thinks for a minute, "You know, if I wasn't a loyal officer, I'd let it slip that Randal is basically under SI protection right now, and try and find out and let slip how many people and syndicates out there would gladly pay to see him dead..." After another pause he finally says, "Computer, strike last 30 seconds." When the computer replies he says, "Computer, end log."
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| Moyra | Monkey Poo |
2005 Jun 04 |
OOC Note: Moyra's Journal (MJ) is kept on a PADD that has a triple encrypted code written in Ferengi. Moyra is sitting on her bed, wrapped in a towel, her skin pink from some vigorous scrubbing. Her wet hair lays limply about shoulder. She is wearing a big grin on her face and her brown eyes twinkle with merriment as she looks at the PADD and announces, "I just had one of the most frustrating, invigorating, insane nights of my life!" She chuckles in her low sexy drawl, "Between the street brawl and the monkey poo..." She nods to her PADD, "Oh yes, you see after getting arrested for disturbing the peace, we all got sentenced to go route out some primates that were living in a falling down building and clean up their monkey poo." She lets out a full gust of laughter, "Oh it was priceless. The Starfleeters were horrified. That sweet little reporter...oh she looked like she wanted to run screaming from the scene. And Randal...that man can never do anything without getting into an argument, I swear." "The only thing that would have made the night more perfect is if I'd been drunk to the gills," sighs Moyra as she picks up another towel and rubs her hair. "You know...strangely, I'm finding that Station 419 is right up my circuit board. It's odd, but we fit." She leans closer to the PADD, "Of course, if we get thrown in the brig here for screwing up the Occan treaty, it'll be icing on the cake...but my luck never runs that good." She sighs and sits back on the chair, managing to keep the towel from falling, "I would have to say that the only fly in my ointment is old blue eyes." She shakes her head, "I sent him a gift...a gift mind you and the man didn't even call me up to say thanks. Even if he didn't want to talk to me, he could have at least dropped me a note. I should know better...stupid stuck up Starfleeter..." She grumbles a few more curses in Ferengi. Then leans closer to the PADD to finish her little entry, "And that is why girls you never give anything away for free." Moyra stops the recording, clicking off the screen and loading it into MJ's archives with her standard security protocol.
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| Arzt | Small World |
2005 Jun 04 |
MESSAGE SENT: MESSAGE DELIVERED: Ensign Phoebe Rogers MESSAGE SUBJECT: Small World MESSAGE SENDER: Ensign Jenell K. Arzt <<The Starfleet logo fades to a field of black to be replaced by the image of Jenell sitting at her desk with a thoughtful look on her face.>> "The moment I start to feel completely alone in the universe, something happens that reminds me that I'm not alone," Jenell confesses to Phoebe. "I've been really depressed since I found out that Mo was going to have to face the full brunt of his charges and was being transferred off the station for sentencing." She picks up Sigmund, her penguin stuffy, and gives him a hug, "Even though, my problem seemed small next to his, it felt like the whole world was being yanked out from under me. I mean, just as I started to feel like I fit in, Mo...my closest friend here, gets snatched away because of a stupid prank." "Then last night, while I was working with LTJG Krylow...I find out that he went to the Academy the same time I did. That he was probably in the same engineering classes you were the first year...before he transferred to Rapid Response. That another officer here is also from San Francisco and graduated around the same time," She shakes her head in amazement, "And both of us are on our third assignment..." She gives a genuine smile to the screen, "Just like that, it clicked...that I'm not alone in the universe." "Phoebe, you've been telling me for years that it's a small world and everything is connected for a reason...like some universal circuit board that we run on. All we have to do is find the circuit that we belong to and things will just click into place." She gives a fond smile and pets Sigmund, "Last night it clicked. And now I don't feel so alone." << The Starfleet logo flashes back on the screen >>
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| Hurley | Shattered Trust |
2005 Jun 05 |
Personal Log: Christine Anika Hurley, Lieutenant JG (video) Stardate: 55021.4 Her quarters are strangely spotless, but, as usual, dimly illuminated, allowing a good view of the stars just outside her viewport. Which is where Christine stands with her hands behind her back to contemplate them. "It's all snowballed," she murmurs softly to the stars. "I don't know how, but it's all snowballed. I'm not exactly sure what aims Milo thought he had on Occa when he was listing Federation laws and Starfleet regulations while Chief Bhelkavra was already on the ground. When the first hail to the Paine failed, well... I'm not kidding myself. I saw the Chief go down and I jumped in to help him. I didn't /mean/ to break the attacker's nose, but.. well, it just all seemed like the training simulations the old Tak put me through. All so familiar. I ... just knew what to do, without even thinking. I just *knew*. "I shouldn't have yelled at Milo later. I should have, very politely pointed out that his behavior was inappropriate. I should have removed him from earshot of the others and discussed it with him calmly and rationally. I shouldn't have let the whole situation weigh me down until I broke. But, I did. And, I've accepted that I was wrong, though, by the sounds of things, he *really* doesn't." She pauses and moves off towards the replicator, the programmed video recording device following her every move. "Jumja tea, please. With a mint leaf." While the replicator does it's thing, Christine lifts her eyes upwards, still contemplating. "He told me that he realized he was out of line when he called me into Twilight's Edge to "discuss" our friendship. Then in his statement to security later, claimed he did nothing wrong - in fact, he *lied* and said Randal encouraged the "banter" between them. He.. well, I'm not going to go into what he called me. The accusations he made against *me* as a person. I.. I'm just unsure what brought those accusations on. He *claimed* it was based on rumors from the wargames. I don't understand how a friend can unilaterally make decisions about another friend based on rumors, though." She pauses, finally retrieving her tea and moving back towards the viewport, hands cupped around the teacup. "And start them as well. Now he's telling everyone that I'm not fit as an officer because I was upset from him claiming he cared about me and in the same breath calling me a cold-hearted..." her voice trails off and she sadly watches the stars. "It dawned on me last night, as I was falling asleep against Edan's chest, that Milo's trying to manipulate me. I saw it in his eyes when Edan released him. I remember the look on his face - he was blaming me for trying to get some wine before I went to my quarters. He was blaming -me- for removing myself from a situation that was ... hurtful and I didn't have the personal strength to handle *right then*. He is trying to manipulate me. For what aims, I'm not entirely sure. I know he hates Grandfather and blames him for Piper losing her position. Because *somehow* it's Grandfather's fault that Piper got pregnant by a someone completely different and *somehow* it's Grandfather's fault that she won't be able to test again until after her pregnancy anyway. Milo *told* me he's going to continue blaming Grandfather. Maybe.. just... *maybe.." she pauses and looks down to her tea. "Edan said he'll accept whatever punishment he gets. He understands that he may spend brig time for assaulting an officer. Randal - same tune. They're both... unapologetic, though. They.. came to my defense because they thought I needed it. While I may, or may not agree with them, to *them* what they did was noble and a gesture of sorts to me. I can't just deny and reject that out of hand." A smile flickers into place and she lifts softer eyes out to gaze at the stars, fat tears forming in the corners of her eyes and slowly trickling down her cheeks. "It's not their actions that help me right now," she whispers in confidence to the stars. "It's that they'll stand by me despite what this Ensign does to try to tear me down. They believe in me. And they care. And they reminded me why I can't hand in my resignation to hide from all of this. I'm here for *them*. All of them. All of us. I can't run from these rumors and accusations. I refuse to battle them with more rumors and accusations. "No, I am simply going to ... be myself. Be the woman I have become. Stay true to the confidence my family places in me, my friends place in me, most of my peers place in me - and not quit. I am an officer of Starfleet. I have survived much, much worse psychological trauma than silly rumors and baseless accusations." The stars twinkle back at her in silent approval of her decision to let the universe just.. be. "Prophets, guide him," she whispers softly. "He is following a strange path for unknown reasons. Protect him. He is slowly destroying himself. Help us all. We need your strength and wisdom in the gray between the darkness and the candle." The prayer ends her log, leaving the recorder to leave record of the young woman sipping her tea and watching for a sign that the Prophets have heard her, and eventually times out.
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| Milosevic | Ducks |
2005 Jun 05 |
The screen opens with Milo sitting back in a chair in his room and tossing a racquetball against the wall of his quarters, then catching it only to repeat the process. A dull sound echoes every time it hits the wall and returns to his hand. "You know, it's a pretty sad world when people let themselves get so long in themselves that they don't notice how they change to others around them. When I first came to this station, I made friends with Christine Hurley. She was a nice, fun and enjoyable person to be around. Hell, I made my Mom's special fudge, just as a treat for her. I suppose nothing ever lasts forever, but I would have expected it to stay the same for a few months at least." The blue ball bounces off the wall again and into his hand. Milo sits with his profile to the screen, eyes on the wall in front of him and to the left of the screen. "Soon as she started having problems with Taimol being gone so muchand then her rapid job change and promotion to LTJG, it all changed. She went from a good friend to a rules and regs spouting egomaniac. And the worst part of it? She can't or won't see it. I tried to take her aside privately to address my concerns, friend to friend, but she would have none of it. No one is allowed to speak ill of Christine Hurley! No, she turned on the Anger Mode and ran out before I even got to finish what I was saying. I am truly worried about her and her behavior lately, but she doesn't care. She's too busy playing crying martyr for half the station to see what she has turned into." Milo turns to face the camera finally, face drawn and tired looking. Emotion bleeds from his features and he tosses the ball off screen to the right. "It just goes to show how it can be a waste of time to try to help people. I care about Chrissy, but I can't get her to listen without running off and getting her boyfriend and others to beat me up 'in her honor'. I don't regret calling her what I did. If it looks like a duck, quacks likes a duck and waddles like a duckit's a DUCK! She may not like my observation, but blowing up at me and running off is going to do nothing to change my opinion of her. She is acting like a b**** and that's that. Maybe it's just my simple, country upbringing, but wasting time with pretty words doesn't get the fields cleared or people fed. I see no reason to worry about a friend's sensibility when going out of my way to try to help them. She needs thicker skin if she is ever going to survive Starfleet. And you know what? I hope she finds it." Milo stands up from the chair and walks slowly off-camera. "For now, I wish her luck and I hope whatever is bothering her is something she can fight off. I won't be wasting my time and effort to help her anymore. What's the use?"
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| Yoshi | A new morning... |
2005 Jun 06 |
The video recorder in Yoshi's room shows the Starfleet logo, which fades to black. The screen lightens to the interior of his quarters. He steps back from the terminal, dressed in a pair of grey flannel pajamas. His hair is let down from the usual ponytail, hanging thick around his shoulders. "Computer, start personal log...not sure just what the stardate is off-hand. Auto-date." he says, letting out a long yawn. A small, grey kitten runs along the floor, batting at the ankle of one pajama leg. He starts a bit, then chuckles and reaches down to scoop the little fluffball up. "Well, it looks like acceptance has finally set in. Casya and I have had it out...all of our differences and our thoughts. And in spite of some of the things said and done, we remain friends. That's a lot of consolation. I'd never want her to hate me for acting out of loneliness and bitterness. She's getting slowly closer to recovering from all she's been through, and finding happiness where she will. What more can I want for one of my friends?" he muses, stroking little Hiro gently as he cradles him in his arm. The kitten purrs and bats at his fingers playfully before leaning into the petting. "She even gave me this little one to keep me from being too lonely. As a short-term thing...he was my gift to her, after all. Not long after the attack. I wouldn't keep him from her, since she's had so much time to get attached to him." He walks over to his couch, tracked by the camera, and sits down, still petting little Hiro. "But still...I'm afraid I just don't understand romance at all anymore. The mystery of men and women...I can't unravel it. Although I wasn't expecting the friendship I made last night, with Lt. Green. She surprised me with some of her own thoughts and insights, and her curiosity for the martial arts. So now I have a student, someone to pass along Father's Aikido to. That...feels good. To have a focus, something to look forward to in my time off-duty from the Zone." Hiro mews, and he releases him, to let him scamper over to the water bowl for a drink. "And to think...for a while I was regretting having left Barnard's Star. But Tay has brought another idea to my attention regarding the Vedek...perhaps he can help to trace Lani-chan for me, tell me where she is these days...how she is. It's been years, and I wonder." he murmurs softly, looking thoughtfully out of the viewport. The light of the Anomaly passes just out of view, blue hues fading. "Randal's gotten himself into more trouble again, so taking care of the Zone is up to me, Tlanev, and Milara. Don't get me wrong, Cap's a good man. I just wish he wouldn't provoke the officers here the way he does. How many times does he need to be grounded before he sees a pattern? Such a scoundrel, Cap...I hope you don't get too stir-crazy while confined to quarters." He gets up and goes to his replicator. "Well, time to start the day...Computer, one cup of Arabica coffee, two sugars. End log." The screen blinks to black, and the Starfleet logo appears again.
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| Taimol | The Vedek's New Robes |
2005 Jun 06 |
"Disrespect." Taimol is plopped in one of his beanbag chairs, legs stretched out to their full length and toes wiggling as he spends the morning in his pajamas. "In any organization that is based on a hierarchy, one is expected to have respect for their superiors. They have spent more time in service, have more experience, and have been granted greater authority by those who are above them. It is that way in the Militia, it is that way in Assembly, and I am certain it is that way in Starfleet." The Bajoran pauses for a moment, his head lolling back. "From the lowest Ranjen to the Kai himself, the Assembly was founded on order. The Kai sets policy, the Vedeks enforce, the Prylars distribute, and the Ranjens enact. No Ranjen would question the authority of a Prylar, unless there were clear-cut proof that they were functioning outside the will of the Prophets, and leading people away from the Temple. Even if that were the case, no Ranjen would disrespect a Prylar in a blatant manner; everything would be handled with the utmost in sincerity and gentility that they could muster. After all, they are a Prylar, and they were placed in that position by the Prophets for a reason." He takes a deep breath. "Even when Vedek Toralin and I looked into the dealings of Vedek Parva, and later, when Dirha and I brought about the downfall of Vedek Londar, we did so in a manner that was polite, reserved, and respectful to her -- even though she attempted to have Havaris Jiasha, Medes Alethea, and myself eliminated. We could do no less; she was a Vedek, after all." There's a few more seconds of toe-wiggling before he straightens up. "It bothers me to think that Starfleet might have a policy that allows its officers to disrespect their superiors, much less in a public venue. Christine tells me that... that insufferable man wanted to speak to her about friendship. That he was concerned about their relationship. Perhaps, as a child, no one instructed him that insulting a peer, much less a better, is hardly the way to find yourself counted amongst those considered friends." He pauses, and shakes his head. "You do not speak in such terms to a woman. You do not speak in such terms to your superior. You do not speak in such terms to your friends. Doing so reveals your true nature -- as tasteless, unprincipled, and, when it comes down to it, rude." Edan folds his hands before him, considering his knuckles for a moment. "I struck him. In twenty-two years, I have raised a hand in anger and committed an act of violence twice. It is not a course of action taken lightly, and, indeed, should only occur when carefully weighed and measured." He makes a fist with his right hand, flexing the fingers before he straightens them out. "It was an object lesson for him -- one which I trust will not soon be forgotten. It was an act taken in defense of my friend -- Hurley Christine is the most loving, trusting person I know; for this man to cause her to cry, then to persue her like a Cardassian labor camp guard was reprehensible -at best-, and should cause him shame." He takes on a sour expression; like any Bajoran, there's no great love for the Cardassians in Taimol. "I am not apologetic; so far as I am concerned, what was given was deserved -- perhaps not all that was deserved, but deserved nonetheless." There's a lengthy pause, and then Edan nods, as if coming to a decision. "I remain confident that my path has not strayed from that the Prophets have set out for me. I remain in their service, but now, with a new mantle laid upon me." His lips curve upward into a smile at that, and he leans forward to shut off the recorder, one final word escaping from him before the log is shut off. "Protector."
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| Dane | Fight Night |
2005 Jun 06 |
Computer begin Personal Log LTJG Mirantha Dane, stardate 55022.9 Mir sits down at the desk in her small quarters, she's dressed for the day and seems to look a little blurry eyed and frustrated. Men, why do you always have to be such pains in the asses. So I meldled a little bit, well what was I meant to do stand there and let my fianci get beat to a inch of his life. What woman in her right mind would do that...No I did something about it, I went to Ghorev to stop the senseless fight. Which I think it is, what's the point of beating each over around the head when the situation has already been dealt with...Why does he has to go do this I can't understand and I don't think I want to understand Last night was bad, I honestly thought when I told him he'd hit me...Not that I'd blame him I possibly got him into more trouble and totally lost him what good faith he has with Ghorev. Well tough luck he brought this on himself I will not feel guilty or responsible any long. I did what I had to and I'd do it again. Funny thing is when I went to talk with Jolvan he told me I was learning to be green. What ever that means, I'm not sure weather to be pleased or insult so I'll be a little of both. I was just protecting my man something any woman would do and I won't take it back or do something different. If that's being green then maybe I am, it's not being Romulan it's being me which I'm starting to find again. Mirantha yawns and leans back in the tall leather seat, she places a hand over her mouth and stands. Computer end program send to personal logs.
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| Vimes | Saying Goodbye |
2005 Jun 07 |
The Federation emblem appears on screen before cutting to Vimes seated before the display. He's certainly looked better. Right now, his eyes are red and ring with deep, black circles. His skin is pale, making his stubble all the more prominent. "This is the first entry of this kind that I've had to make. I suppose I took it for granted that I'd never have to make one, but here I am. I've just come back from meeting with Counselor Nabrun. I'm having trouble accepting the fact that Zip is gone. It wasn't supposed to end this way for him. I feel like I've failed him. If I'd been there with him, maybe he'd still be alive. I don't know the details of what happened. I'm not sure I really want to know, but maybe it's something that is necessary, for that sense of closure. Nonetheless, I'm feeling guilty and like I've let him down. I know he'd adamantly refuse any such notion, but that's the sort of man he is...was." That last statement has him chewing on his lip as his eyes become rather shiny. Blinking a few times, he takes a deep breath and continues... "Zip and I always had each other's back. Either of us would have stepped in front of a phaser in a heartbeat for the other. If that's what happened to him, then I regret not having been able to be there for him. I regret not having been able to comfort him before he slipped away, if he did happen to hang on for a while. I regret that I wasn't able to make it so that he could stay here after he was promoted. Part of me thinks that if he'd have been able to stay somehow, then he wouldn't have gone on that mission, and he'd still be here. Part of me keeps hoping this is another one of those time or space distortion deals, and that he'll be coming back anytime now. I keep wanting to go ask Commander Ghorev if this is possible, if there is a chance he will come back. Some of the others did, right? Why can't Zip come back? It just doesn't seem fair. It doesn't make sense. But, I'm worried that the Commander would think I've finally flipped my lid. Maybe I have. I'm not sure. I'm not scheduled for duty tomorrow, but that never stopped me from working on those days before. However, I think I may just respect that fact tomorrow and take this time to reflect some more. I told Counselor Nabrun that part of me wants to go and find whoever did this, to exact some measure of justice...or is that revenge...for Zip, for us here on this station, and for his family. I'm aware that this is an irrational and emotional response, and that no true good can come of it, but that doesn't make it any less a valid feeling." He's become rather agitated at this point, and has to take a few breaths to calm down before he resumes speaking... "Zip, I know you'd say that I'm not responsible for what happened. But I can't help but feel like I've let you down. You see, having you as a friend was an honor, and a priviledge. It amazed me to see how a man could be so kind, good and concerned for the people around him. How you always assumed the best in people, and it pained me to see when someone had disappointed you, or hurt you by abusing, or taking advantage of your good nature. It was bad enough when you were transferring off the station. This place was going to be that much emptier and sadder with your absence. Now, this universe is that much emptier and sadder now that you're gone. And I guess that's the harsh truth of it. I'm having a lot of trouble reconciling this, Zip. It wasn't supposed to end this way, damn it." He rubs the bridge of his nose now, unable to keep some of his tears from being shed before he wipes them away and grunts in frustration... "I've requested a transfer back to security, Zip. To your billet. I don't think I'll ever be able to fill your shoes. I can only hope to do so at a fraction of what you did, but I plan on doing so to the standard you set..." Oddly enough, this is a part where he starts to laugh a little... "Plus, I think Commander Ghorev and Lt. Commander Goodwin will be mighty happy to approve that transfer request. I know I've not made their jobs any easier at times, but I respect them both. And I think I may have to agree with them that my going back to security is likely for the best. I don't think I'm cut out to be a diplomat, Zip. Quite frankly, I suck at it. But, they seem to think I'm good at being a security officer. I hope to prove them right, and to have Rann agree with them. Regardless of all this, I am going to miss you so very much. I think what's hurting me the most right now is that I didn't take more time since I got back. I kept telling myself that there would always be plenty of time. We were both busy young officers. I'm sorry for that. And I hope you'll forgive me. Computer, end recording." At this point, he reaches over to the console and touches something, before the Federation emblem returns onto the display.
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| Andrews | Farewell to 419 |
2005 Jun 07 |
The room is bare and spartan, a few packed bags easily visible behind the older man on the screen. "Well, it's been an interested few weeks here on Station 419 Upsilon. My first visit here and both cases I was sent to work on have come to a conclusion." The man walks around the room, gathering a few small items and stuffing them into a bag as he talks casually. "I have to say, this is one of the oddest complements I have ever met on a station before. The people here are either so close to each other as to be related, some are actually, or they are at each other's throats. Ensign Moroko Torin has apparently gathered a large group of supporters over his years here and while I respect the fact that these people care enough about him to not wish to see him be charged with his crimes, the fact of the matter is that he did it. He confessed to all charges on his own accord and the evidence plainly points to Torin. Case closed. His only wish was to be discharged as a full ensign and this will be done. He took the Oath and so far as Starfleet is concerned, he is an officer." "Now as for Lieutenant Commander Colombo? Well, he's either the murderous bastard everyone paints him to be, or he is a man more wronged than any I have ever met. I hate this temporal crap. Apparently there was some kind of temporal anomaly here at the station a few months back and due to this and the invasion of something called Lithians, Lieutenant Colombo was part of something called Timefleet, an offshoot of the fabled Department of Temporal Investigations. Yeah, I know, it's a joke, but something happened here and I doubt Colombo is lying about it all. Let's not forget the fact that he is accused of killing someone who is quite obviously alivefrom /this/ time, whatever that means. It's a mess, but in the end, Commander Ghorev and others detailed what happened with enough clarity and evidence to bring charges against Commander Colombo. I feel for the man, though. Due to the temporal issues, he has no one left and nothing to prove that what he did was right or wrong. All he had was his word and nothing left in /this/ time to back it up." "And so, we are all three on our way today to Dulcais. My work here is done for now and it is time for these two to face judgment for their crimes. It's is a common misconception that JAG agents are solely lawyers for Starfleet. We also bear the burden of all investigations and I feel quite a many people on this station think of me at the bad guy, butso be it. I have a duty and I perform as they do theirs, day in and day out. I am sure I will be back here again. By that time, I would hope tempers and emotions would have cooled down to some degree. One can always hope." He grabs the two bags from the floor and slings their straps over each shoulder, turning to smile at the screen. "And we're off. Computer, end recording and send this to Dulcais Sector Command, my personal log file. Erase from station memory core. Encryption Millie-Alpha-Ragnarok."
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| Larissa | Musings |
2005 Jun 11 |
Audio Only. Uploaded via Personal Padd. "Create directory, musings. Open new file and record: Stardate 55034.1, personal encryption. Impressions. Much saddness here. Emptiness. Met a Romulan on the Mall. Doesnt speak Standard. I did't have a UTI issued yet, so didn't understand him. Met nice Terran fellow, Hiroshi Takamura, also. And he's an artist! He directed me to Ensign McKenna, to aquire a UTI and new padd. I love my own, but sometimes a federation issue is well, best. Felt some odd emotions. Well, not odd, but..uncomfortable. This place is so full of secrets. How do they get any diplomacy done? At least it feels that way. The secrecy. I know it's expected on a base such as this, but it is still so ..foriegn to me. And probably contributes to a lot of the emotions that permeate this place. The Anomaly. That's what I was told it was. Just..the anomaly. Hypnotizing. Breathtaking. I have words floating in my head about it. And I will record them..perhaps I can make some sense of them tomorrow. "End recording and save. Upload."
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| Shamash | Paused Entry |
2005 Jun 11 |
Business as usual Same old, Same old.. Phrases i would not have thought i would hear for a while, yet they come to mind more often again. Little reminds me now of the point that we faced utter destruction not even a quarter of a year ago and things indeed have returned to the quiet routine that i got used to in the last year. That is... if there would not be people missing from my life. People that had died these few months ago. And now? I am still trying to befriend many of the new folks ... sometimes with no luck, sometimes with luck. Same old, Same old even here. This sounds more negative than i intended i just realize. So just for the record of this journal... No, i am not feeling down. More like thinking... contemplating. Hm. No... this is not it either. Computer, pause log, flag for review tomorrow
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| King | Personal Log |
2005 Jun 11 |
The screen starts to appear from the blackness, with Howard standing by the dinning room table. He is dressed in a decent outfit, that at least says he has some class to him. His hands are propped on the back of the chair, and the tables clear, except for a vase with red and yellow roses in them. "Personal Log, Stardate," he starts out. "Five Five Oh Three Five point Nine." He smiles, and rolls his shoulders back. "Well, it's been a while since I recorded a log." He says, "Oh, nothings wrong, haven't been too busy at all. Just normal stuff, reading over this and that." he pauses, and moves to the replicator. A few commands, and a clear liquid, with a few ice cubes appears in a tall glass. On the screen, a flicker of the selection appears, and it reads 'Ice Water.' Taking a sip from the glass, he moves back to the table. "Well, I was this close," His free hand comes up and his thumb and index finger make a very small separation between them. "To eloping, but she changed her mind." His hand comes back down, and he takes another sip of his water. "Not that it matters really, just her father scares the heck out of me. I mean, anyone who doesn't really like the idea of her marrying a Human, or joining Starfleet, can't be good news for me. We talked about it, and if anything happens, she wants to handle it. I think she finally has the strength, through me, to stand up completely to her father. Oh, she has before, but this is...." He tries to find the right word. "Bigger, I guess, would be the right word. It can't be easy for her, and I stand beside her no matter what." He sets the glass on the table, and pulls the chair out. "I'm so proud of her for that, and she's got an additional assignment that makes me even prouder of her. Wether it is of convince or not isn't the matter. She's going to be teaching someone, somewhere, somehow, on something." He chuckles, "I don't know if she knows the specifics, or she just can't tell me, but I am proud of her. I look at her at nights, and wonder how I found her, how lucky I must be." He sits in the chair. "She's the main reason I am changing myself from a jerk to a decent human being, well the only reason. Yesterday, I got dragged down to the Warp Core, Commander Park wanted to finish something up. Well, I did the right thing and ordered her tea. Heck, it's not technically formal if your meeting takes place in the 'Core. When I gave her the tea, I swear he wanted me gone. Too bad, but you know, I let it slide. For me that's a big step in the right direction." "On that note, I have one complaint for the day, and that's all. The medical department, specifically Lieutenant Sanders. Not much I can do about it, I took it to Commander Park, and he refused. All I want is my files, just so I can help myself. If I wanted to screw someone over, I'd be doing it now. But," A shrug, "Oh, well." There is a pause for a minute or two, "Well, I need to get going. I got to plan on dinner tonight, I'm thinking of making, well replicating a dish Mom used to make for us. Rice with butter, green beans, corn, and some spices mixed in. That, Roast Turkey, and some Red Wine." He stands up from the chair, "Computer, end log and encrypt." The screen starts to fade to blackness. Then is replaced by the standard UFP symbol.
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| Arzt | Missing You |
2005 Jun 11 |
MESSAGE SENT: MESSAGE DELIVERED: Ensign Moroko Torin MESSAGE SUBJECT: Missing You MESSAGE SENDER: Ensign Jenell K. Arzt <<The Starfleet logo fades to a field of black to be replaced by the image of Jenell sitting at her desk in uniform, looking a little sad, but she does her best to put on a good front of being happy.>> "You just left...I know, but I thought that you might like to have something waiting for you when you arrived to your destination," states Jenell as she leans forward on the desk, "I know that you've probably got a lot on your mind, a lot to worry about, but I just wanted to send you a quick message that says, I miss you." She bites her lip and admits, "It feels kind of empty, now that you're gone. I still jog every morning and grab a quick bite at the Warp Core, but now my buddy's gone, it just seems like I'm going through the motions." She holds up Sigmund, her stuffed penguin, "See, even Sigmund misses you. So take care and keep your chin up. We're rooting for you." She has Sigmund doing a little dance in front of the viewer. She laughs and leans back in the chair and then sobers up and whispers, "I've got my fingers crossed." She holds up her hand, showing that indeed she has her fingers crossed. << The Starfleet logo flashes back on the screen >>
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| Park | Late Night Talk |
2005 Jun 12 |
The quarters of the CMO are the same as they always have been. The sculpture hanging on the wall, surf board sitting where it has for months without moving and ancient dive suit still in the corner of the room. Clean would be an understatment. Every surface gleams and it would be hard to find a speck of dust anywhere. Park is just moving to sit on the couch, pulling out a coaster so that he can set a large glass of ice water on the coffee table. "Eighty three days.", he says. "That's how long you've been gone. Taken in the blink of an eye and with it, all of the hopes that I'd held since that day we rushed off to get married. I realized the other day that my mom had never met you. Only seen holos of us together when we could be." He takes a sip of his water, holding the cup in his hand and watching the beads of water slide down the outside of the glass. "I've been lost since.", Aaron admits. "Barana said the other day that I was a fairly isolated person. That I had an incredible support network in the form of two strong women, but they were both lost. I can't say she's wrong. You and Sharra were my whole world. It's been hard me to allow myself to connect with other people again. Trying to be rational and think about what you'd tell me to do isn't easy, but I'm trying." A sigh escapes his lips as he drains the glass and sets it back down, ice cubes clinking as they hit the bottom of the cup. "Talking to her has helped, but it's hard to get back to feeling like myself. I have my days when I do, so I suppose that's progress." Aaron pauses for a time, staring at the slowly melting ice cubes in his cup before he looks up. "I miss you, Wendy.", he says softly, then reaches out and deactivates the log.
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| McTiernan | PL: Time Away |
2005 Jun 12 |
Personal Log from the cockpit of the Cape Fear - Audio only: I've never been one to lie to myself so yes, this shuttle run was an excuse to simply get away from the masses for a while so I can sort some things out without having to face any of these people. Yes, in taking this trip, I keep my pilot qualifications. That's incredibly important to me. I didn't say good bye to anyone, I just left. I didn't want to answer questions, just wanted to put some space between myself and .. 419. I've missed the simple solitude that comes with this job. I've sent out requests to get information on Mac's family. I think it's important to have them in the baby's family. I'm hoping that by the time I've returned, I'll have worked up the courage to send a message home. A big part of me still expects to hear that my parents aren't my parents anymore and I haven't been ready to deal with a blow of this magnitude. Zip's dead. While we didn't always see eye to eye, I can't explain how his death has affected me. Say what you will but he was a part of home. I really want to ask for leave time to go home but I'm afraid that I'll come back and something else will have changed and I simply won't have a job anymore, of any kind. Perhaps it's an fear with no grounds but it's how I feel about it. I've been studying again. I took Dr Park's advice and hit the books, broadening my skills and not staying locked to only one area in which I can work. I'll have a load of time to do this in and frankly, Kait is going to get really sick of my messages and meetings but she'll forgive me. She always does. She's got the biggest heart of anyone I know. 15 days is a nice little vacation. I've brought some texts with me as well as a book from the store on the mall. I'll keep busy and I'll keep my mind off others things for a while, I hope. In the end, maybe the Inner Evil Piper and then Inner Wise Piper will come to some kind of agreement on a few things because their constant bickering is making my head hurt. Computer, end log and encrypt. Then send out the messages saved. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- To: Lieutenant JG Reian, Telasa From: Lieutenant JG McTiernan, Piper S.V. Subject: Time away Stardate: 55037.4 T - I wanted to touch bases with you really quick. I'm heading off station for a shuttle run so I won't be here for our weekly girl's day. I'll miss you like mad, you just have no idea. I've finally decided on the boys name so when I get back, I'll whisper it in your ear so you can keep the secret. Your friendship has meant the world to me. No hiding in the lab! Get out and meet with the others; Sachiko and Janell. I'll see you soon! - P ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- To: Lieutenant JG Milosevis, Jameson T. From: Lieutenant JG McTiernan, Piper S.V. Subject: Time away. Stardate: 55037.4 J - As I told you before, I've taken the first open shuttle run to Dulcais so I'll be gone for a few weeks. Please feed Mac and take care of him, also the gilled kiddies. I just, I need, time away right now is best. For all of us, I think. It is my hope that my return will find fewer problems and myself with a clearer head. Take care. - P ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- To: Lieutenant Commander Park, Aaron |